Heroin for the Holidays

Thanksgiving is over.
The poultry has been stuffed, dressed, roasted and gobbled. (LOL)
Families have been enjoyed. Time seems to fly quickly by when enjoying a holiday. It is almost as if no sooner did I wake up early to start the cooking then the day dwindled down to an early bed time. Holidays are enjoyable for me now in recovery. It wasn’t always that way though.
I do remember a time, which now feels like a lifetime away, that Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the New Years holidays were almost something which I feared. As a heroin addict facing family and friends at any event, nevermind a holiday was a daunting task. I had to hide the shame and guilt I felt inside myself and put on a very fake happy face.
I also had to make sure that I had enough of a fix to endure the ordeal of commingling with family.
I remember now what a stress this time of year put on me as an addict. Now I am not saying that the holidays are not stressful now, cause they still are. I’m just reminiscing of how I felt and what my priorities were while I was an active heroin addict.
First off, cooking for my family would’ve never happened. I didn’t even have a family of my own while I was an active drug abuser.
Second, I wouldn’t have been able to have an intelligent conversation with my mother or sister. I couldn’t look either in the face.
Finally, Christmas presents would never be thoughtful if they even existed at all. I think scratch tickets is all I gave as gifts one year.
To bluntly say, holidays are stressful for everybody. Addict or not. Just remember that if there is an addict in your family suffering right now, believe me when I say suffering, most often the guilt of their addiction is very painful. Especially around the holidays. Drug and alcohol abuse rise this time if the year. Maybe recovery centers should offer deals like the car manufacturers do this time if year?

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